I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize