Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize