so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
