Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
