WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
even my farts smell like vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
