My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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