i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
