You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
