not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
