Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
