At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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