You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
