My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
