youre lurking in front of me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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