I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize