Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
