You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
