you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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