She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You had me at "let me see your balls"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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