i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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