We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
