So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
