if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
