I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
