The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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