Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
