Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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