i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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