life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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