someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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