Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want her autograph on my taint
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
