I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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