I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
