I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
