yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
