if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
