Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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