I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I pour the whiskey from now on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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