No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
