I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
