Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
