i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
