The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
