Someone shit on the floor
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
