you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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