their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
