i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
