I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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