I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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