I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
