He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
