The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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