C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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