your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
