did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
not ubering you a puppy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
