True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
