look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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