At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
