I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
