Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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