i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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