i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
