Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize