i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
