someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
