Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
